PREAMBLE
These Terms and Conditions (the "Terms") are issued for the purpose of establishing, confirming, reaffirming, restating, and where necessary redundantly re-establishing the conditions under which any person, entity, consciousness, proxy, representative, automated process, cached browser state, suspiciously patient visitor, or spiritually adjacent observer (the "User") may access, attempt to access, contemplate accessing, or later be understood to have accessed this website (the "Site").
By entering, viewing, loading, touching, scrolling, blinking at, hovering near, thinking about, or otherwise becoming aware of the Site, the User agrees to be bound by these Terms, including all clauses, subclauses, recursive clauses, implied clauses, administrative echoes, procedural shadows, and all future clarifications of what these Terms were already understood to have always meant.
If the User does not agree to these Terms, the User must immediately cease access. Continued non-ceasing shall be interpreted as a form of procedural assent.
1. Definitions
"Agreement" means this Agreement, including any amendments, expansions, contractions, annexes, schedules, footnotes, side-notes, pre-notices, post-notices, and notices acknowledging the existence of other notices.
"Acknowledgement" means any act by which the User recognizes, encounters, perceives, infers, suspects, accidentally validates, or bureaucratically brushes against the existence of the Agreement.
"Consent" means explicit consent, implicit consent, passive consent, reluctant consent, ceremonial consent, administrative consent, or any condition reasonably resembling consent from a clerical distance.
"Entry" means access to the Site in whole or in part, whether intentional, incidental, mistaken, symbolic, metaphorical, cached, unwilling, temporary, retroactive, or spiritually adjacent.
2. Acceptance of Terms
By ticking the checkbox marked "I Agree," the User expressly agrees to these Terms.
By failing to tick the checkbox but remaining present, the User implicitly agrees to these Terms.
By disputing whether agreement has occurred, the User engages with the framework of agreement and thereby enters into secondary agreement regarding the possibility of agreement.
By reading this clause, the User acknowledges that agreement may be established by the act of considering whether agreement has been established.
3. Purpose of These Terms
The primary purpose of these Terms is to formally declare that formal declaration has occurred.
The secondary purpose of these Terms is to regulate access to the Site by means of a regulatory instrument whose necessity is at once obvious, excessive, ceremonial, and functionally absurd.
The tertiary purpose of these Terms is to ensure that no User may claim to have entered without first being adequately, repeatedly, and structurally notified that entry has been accompanied by conditions.
Accordingly, these Terms are deemed necessary by virtue of their declaration of necessity.
4. Acknowledgement of Acknowledgement
The User acknowledges that acknowledgement is a precondition of access.
The User further acknowledges that acknowledgement of acknowledgement may itself require acknowledgement.
Where such secondary acknowledgement gives rise to a need for tertiary acknowledgement, the User shall be deemed to have acknowledged the recursive necessity of further acknowledgement whether or not any such acknowledgement was consciously performed.
No acknowledgement shall be invalid merely because it is excessive, circular, self-referential, or indistinguishable from parody.
5. Accordance with Prior Accordances
The User agrees to act in accordance with all applicable accords, prior accords, concurrent accords, implied accords, and any administrative understandings previously understood to be in accordance with general standards of accordance.
Where no prior accord can be identified, the absence of such accord shall not prevent the operation of this clause, and the User shall instead be bound by the principle that accordance must be maintained in accordance with the general spirit of accordance.
Any disagreement with accordance shall itself be processed as a nonconforming form of accordance.
6. Validity by Self-Declaration
These Terms are valid because they say they are valid.
The declaration of validity contained herein shall be taken as sufficient evidence of validity unless invalidity is demonstrated in writing, and any such writing shall itself be subject to these Terms and therefore incapable of escaping the validity they contest.
Any challenge to the validity of these Terms shall constitute participation in the legal and conceptual environment created by these Terms, and shall therefore reinforce their authority.
7. User Obligations
- to read all relevant terms, whether or not actually read;
- to understand all provisions, whether or not understandable;
- to comply with all obligations, whether or not clearly stated;
- to refrain from conduct inconsistent with the harmonious administration of these Terms;
- to accept that "harmonious administration" may be defined after the fact if needed.
The User further agrees not to exploit loopholes, except those already contemplated, preserved, and privately celebrated by the structure of the Agreement itself.
8. Failure to Read
Failure to read these Terms shall not excuse the User from being bound by them.
Failure to understand these Terms shall not excuse the User from being interpreted as having understood them sufficiently for binding purposes.
Failure to locate the relevant clause shall not prevent that clause from applying.
Failure to exist as a legally conventional reader shall not prevent administrative consequences from attaching where administratively convenient.
9. Passive Acceptance
- entering the Site;
- remaining on the Site;
- refreshing the Site;
- scrolling the Site;
- attempting to leave the Site but not doing so fast enough;
- mocking the Site's terms while continuing to browse;
- opening the Terms in a new tab and never reading them;
- declaring "these are ridiculous" while being subject to them anyway.
Acceptance may also be inferred from silence, delay, indecision, inertia, browser persistence, or any other conduct indicative of practical submission.
10. Right to Modify Terms
We reserve the right to amend, restate, expand, compress, rearrange, clarify, obscure, intensify, or ceremonially reaffirm these Terms at any time.
Any such modification shall take effect immediately upon publication, attempted publication, announcement, intended announcement, or internal administrative feeling that publication would have been appropriate.
The User's continued use of the Site following any modification constitutes renewed agreement to the modified Terms, the previous Terms, and the fact that terms are modifiable.
11. Severability
If any provision of these Terms is found to be invalid, unenforceable, excessive, bizarre, theatrically self-consuming, or legally overcooked, that provision shall be severed only to the minimum extent necessary, and all remaining provisions shall continue in full force and recursive effect.
Where severance creates uncertainty, that uncertainty shall be resolved in favor of preserving maximum administrative density.
12. Entire Agreement
These Terms constitute the entire agreement between the User and the Site concerning access, presence, procedural acknowledgement, and all related administrative conditions.
They supersede any prior understandings, except those that survive by their own terms, implied force, ceremonial gravity, or residual bureaucratic momentum.
No oral statement, side glance, muttered objection, or exhausted sigh shall vary these Terms unless expressly incorporated in writing and redundantly restated.
13. Waiver
No failure by us to enforce any provision of these Terms shall constitute a waiver of that provision.
No waiver shall be effective unless made in writing.
No written waiver shall be effective unless acknowledged.
No acknowledgement of waiver shall be effective unless such acknowledgement is itself recognized in accordance with the acknowledgement procedures either expressly or implicitly contemplated herein.
14. Notice of Notice
The User is hereby notified that notification has occurred.
This notification shall serve as sufficient notice of all matters requiring notice, including the fact that notice may be required for the notification of future notice.
By receiving this notice, the User confirms receipt.
By failing to confirm receipt, the User shall nevertheless be deemed notified by virtue of having been the subject of notification.
15. Final Clause of Procedural Absurdity
The User acknowledges that these Terms may appear redundant, excessive, unreasonable, pointlessly elaborate, structurally recursive, spiritually bureaucratic, or unnecessarily committed to their own existence.
Such appearance shall not diminish their force.
Indeed, the User agrees that the excessive form of these Terms is inseparable from their administrative essence.
To reject this logic is to enter it. To resist it is to participate in it. To read it is to feed it.
16. Concluding Acknowledgement
By clicking "I Agree," the User confirms that they have read what needed to be read, accepted what needed to be accepted, acknowledged what needed to be acknowledged, and entered into all necessary and unnecessary relations of procedural compliance required for lawful, unlawful, symbolic, ceremonial, or incidental entry.
You have been notified.
This document remains in force until amended, revoked, superseded, contradicted, or more fully itself.